When I was growing up, I loved performing in plays.
In addition to performance skills, I learned some valuable life lessons in the theatre.
Through much of my adolescence, I was part of a theatre troupe called CharActors. Each year, we would learn and rehearse in depth for eight months, culminating in an end-of-year show.
The directors of our troupe, Wayne and Megan, encouraged us to put in a lot of effort.
We were expected to attend weekly rehearsals, show up on time, do our best, learn our lines by a deadline, and more…
Perhaps most significant was their simple reminder: “Guys, you made a commitment to this group. You need to honour your commitment.”
We knew that our commitment mattered. By joining the cast, we had made a promise: to be part of the team; to show up, and to do our best.
In the Torah portion this week, we learn about the laws of nedarim (vows). As Rabbi Shaul Rosenblatt explains:
“A neder is when you make a verbal commitment to action. The commitment could be to another, or just to yourself.”
It is a mitzvah to make sure that you follow through on the commitment. You are not allowed to say that you’ll do something and then bow out.
The Torah is teaching us that commitments are sacred.
If we say we are going to do something – whether to ourselves or to anyone else – we need to honour that neder.
This is why you will sometimes hear people use the phrase “bli neder” – without a promise.
For example, let’s say that you want to help a friend out with his renovation project, but you are not sure if you will have time. You might say “I think I will have time on Sunday – bli neder”. This shows that you are not making a formal commitment.
Words matter. Promises matter.
Much of the world today suffers from “commitment-phobia”. In living this way, something precious is lost…
As Rabbi Rosenblatt eloquently points out: “Making commitments, and seeing them through, makes us into credible human beings. Commitments make us real. They build our confidence in our own ability to overcome challenge…In short, commitments are where life is at.”
The laws of nedarim help remind us that commitments are important, and urge us to follow through – even if we don’t feel like it in the moment.
Honour your commitments, the Torah teaches. Keep your promises.
When you take your commitments seriously, there is a deep feeling of satisfaction that comes with building trust – trust in yourself, and trust between you and others.
When my theatre troupe would perform those end-of-year shows, we were left with a great feeling of accomplishment. (The curtain would drop at the end, and we would laugh, cry, and hug each other in joy!)
We committed. We followed through. And we learned just how capable we are.
Shabbat Shalom,
Danielle
