Many children are taught, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”.
This is often good advice…
But what if we’re not meant to succeed in a certain area?
Here’s an example:
In high school, I tried desperately to do well in math.
I went to extra help sessions at lunchtime. I went to tutors. I studied with friends.
Despite my efforts, I just…wasn’t…getting it. My guidance counselor was perplexed, as my grades were mostly As in my other classes.
She glanced at my first term mark in grade 11 math (45%).
She looked at me. She looked at the mark again.
In the silence, I thoughtfully asked “Ms. W, what if math just isn’t my subject?” Does it really make sense to continue in the university-prep-level math stream if I am struggling this much?”
After some discussion, she agreed to switch me to the Personal Finance course (a math essentials class – math skills for life, rather than university preparation).
At that point, I had the clarity that math wasn’t something that I could realistically pursue. I was at peace (and perhaps even relieved) that I had more clarity as to my path (i.e. probably a career in English or the arts, rather than math and science).
In this week’s Parsha, Balaam attempts to curse the Jewish people. When he asks Hashem if he can do this, Hashem tells him not to, because they are a people who are blessed.
Despite this, Balaam attempts to curse the Jewish people three different times; however, each time, blessings come out of his mouth instead.
Balaam really wasn’t listening to Hashem.
Look, let’s just say maybe Balaam didn’t get the message the first time. (As in, he heard G-d, but didn’t really absorb his words).
One would think that Balaam’s attempted curse being swapped for a blessing would send him the message: “Hello? Hashem doesn’t want you to do this!”
But Balaam doesn’t get it, and he tries twice more to curse the Jewish people!
Reading the Parsha, you want to go in and shake him: “Balaam, get the picture! Hashem doesn’t want this!”
My Bubby, of blessed memory, was fond of saying in Yiddish: “If Hashem wants it, a broom can shoot bullets”. I eventually learned the second part from Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis of blessed memory: “…and if He doesn’t, even the most powerful weapon is of no avail!”
As humans, we have free will, and of course we should do our best to go in directions that seem correct to us.
That said, if Hashem keeps stopping you and/or sending obstacles…consider that He may be telling you to change course.
Unlike Balaam, we don’t have the clarity that can come from G-d speaking to us in a verbal conversation; however, we do have the ability to reflect…and to pray for clarity.
Sometimes, we should keep trying until we (hopefully) succeed; yet, there are other times when Hashem sends us clear messages that it’s time to change course.
Unlike Balaam, let’s try to tune in to the messages Hashem sends us – and listen.
Shabbat Shalom,
Danielle Altonaga
