Research suggests that a healthy balance in relationships and interactions involves a ratio of 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. The idea, popularized by relationship researcher John Gottman, is that healthy relationships and high-performing teams thrive when there’s a significant surplus of positive interactions. Gottman’s research, and similar findings in business settings, indicate that it takes a substantial number of positive interactions to counteract the impact of a single negative one.
Parsha Vayakhel records the building of the Mishkan (The Tabernacle).
It describes the overwhelming response to the Mishkan fundraising campaign and how Moshe had to tell them to stop contributing. At the very end of the campaign, the Torah mentions another group of contributors, the Nesiim – the 12 princes of the tribes. Our Sages tell us that the Nesiim initially held back from contributing, saying they would wait to see what would be lacking from the contributions, and they would then fill in the shortfall. They ended up only contributing the two precious stones that the Kohen Gadol wore on his shoulders ― and the 12 stones of the breast-plate onto which the names of the 12 tribes were engraved. In describing their gift, the Torah writes (35:27) the word Nesiim with one letter missing. It says וְהַנְּשִׂאִם הֵבִיאוּ and the Leaders brought, but it is missing a Yud. It is pronounced the same way, but the spelling is missing the small letter Yud. Our Sages tell us that G-d instructed Moshe to write the word this way to indicate that there was something missing in their contribution. The Nesiim shouldn’t have waited until the end of the campaign to see what was missing, they should have initially joined the enthusiastic crowd and contributed at the beginning. This missing letter was a subtle rebuke to the distinguished Nesiim. We see later in the Torah that the Nesiim learned their lesson. When it came time to inaugurate the Mishkan (in Parsha Naso), the Torah relates that it was the Nesiim who were the first to step forward and enthusiastically contribute by offering sacrifices and utensils during the initial days of the dedication of the Mishkan. In fact, to highlight the Nesiim’s enthusiasm, the Torah writes the details of the sacrifices and gifts of each of the twelve Nesiim individually, even though they were identical to each other. The Torah could have written it once and said that everyone brought the exact same thing. Yet, the Torah writes 65 extra verses to show how dear it was to Hashem that they each stepped forward and contributed without having to outdo each other.
Rabbi Aryeh Leib Shteinman z”l points out that when Hashem reprimanded the Nesiim, all He did was remove a single letter from their name. However, when they learned the lesson and not only contributed first but also did it in a display of unity, Hashem acknowledged it by adding hundreds of letters to the Torah describing each of their identical contributions.
Hashem acknowledges our positive behaviour in a much greater way than He acknowledges our negative behaviours. Not only are we taught that the reward is proportionally greater than the punishment, but also the recognition is expressed in a much greater way.
Good Shabbos,
Rabbi Shaps and the JET Team
