They say you only get one chance to make a first impression. You also only get one chance to create a first impression about somebody else.
This week’s Parsha, Mikeitz, begins with Pharaoh having two dreams. When he is not satisfied with any of the interpretations provided by his advisors, his recently reinstated wine butler says to Pharaoh – “when I was in jail with the Chief Baker we each had a dream. And in jail with us, there was a Hebrew youth, a slave of the chief butcher, and he interpreted our dreams, each man according to his dream, he interpreted.”
Rashi comments that the Wine butler was purposely being derogatory about Yosef. The Word for youth is Na’ar, a term that implies someone is a fool and not worthy of high status. He is a foreigner and a slave.
Why would the wine butler tell Pharaoh that Yosef was a fool and not smart. He knew from his own experience that this was not true and surely Pharaoh would come to see that for himself once he meets Yosef. What did he expect to accomplish?
The answer is that if we examine the wording, he didn’t say directly that Yosef was a fool, he called him a Na’ar, a youth which he was. And he was a foreigner and a slave. This was all true. But what he wanted to accomplish was to create an impression. When Pharaoh hears the term Na’ar, his impression will be, the person I am going to meet is not going to be someone I should value. Before he even meets Yosef, a negative impression has been implanted.
How many times have we formed an opinion of someone before we have even met them? Many times the impression we have is based on what we hear or perceive from what others have said about that person.
The reason why first impressions are so important is because the first impression a person forms of someone else is very difficult to erase. The wine butler was very crafty in creating a negative impression of Yosef in a subtle way that he could claim he only told the truth. Rabbi Moshe Alshich (1508–1593), points out that this is one of the major issues with speaking Loshon Hara. Once you said it, you can’t take it back. You have implanted a negative impression in the listener’s mind that is almost impossible to erase. (This is why a lawyer is willing to say something that he knows the judge will disallow. Once the jurors have heard it, it is in their minds)
Knowing that the first impression is generally the lasting impression, let us make a greater effort to provide a positive impression of ourselves, our friends and the entire Jewish people by acting appropriately and speaking positively about others.
Shabbat Shalom and Chanukah Sameach
